How My 20s Ended with a Bang: The Car Accident That Changed Everything

The not-so-typical end to my 20s

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I started the year with ‘Encanto', one of my newest favorite Disney films, not unlike any other day of the year. With a red wine glass in hand, I was thinking:

I guess the new year really doesn’t mean much anymore, just another human-made construct to set us up for a refresher or meaningless new year goals that turn out to be nothing more than empty statements that seem to mean the world in January but progressively less as the year progresses. Nonetheless, I hope I experience another round of growth. Cheers to the end of my 20s.

Little did I know that this year would be more than life-changing. Turning my life upside down, inside out like the worst rollercoaster ride of its kind (I hate rollercoasters by the way, quite ironic since my favorite place is Disneyland).

It was even more unexpected because I had thought 2022 was going to be the most dynamic year of my life considering I got married. A beautiful cathedral wedding, where I fainted during the ceremony (this is a story for another time). 2022 was truly a year that changed me from ‘I' to ‘we', a change that is gradual but surprising every moment, especially during a fight. Perhaps this is why for all other aspects of my life outside of my marriage, I wanted everything to be consistent, ‘normal', stable for a change. And that is perhaps why the first day of 2023 was so not out of the blue, so mellow.

Then came the rest of January and February, marked by a sense of both lonelieness and freedom. My husband had already gone to the states for his job (we worked in the same company but he had gone first for his business trip) and I was finally alone. It actually wasn't as exciting anymore, rather unhealthy contrary to what I thought. My dinners were either a can, or cans, or beer with a couple of chips or a glass, or glasses, of wine with some snacks. I feel asleep at 8pm everday and woke up at 5am. Straight to work, almost to fill some type of void and to fill up my day with something meaningful. Looking back, it was a very unhealthy period of time sulking in my own company, not knowing what to do except for rely on the small joy that is alcohol.

Finally February came and there it was - my first international business trip to the Philippines and Los Angeles. I finally felt like a jet-setter career woman, something I always aspired to be. Of course, the type of work I did was not as glamorous but I was working towards something. But what I thought was going to be the start of the ramp-up to my career slowly turned out to be running towards a cliff.

My teammates were gossiping every day, one of the most trusted teammate turned her back on me while I was physically in the room, I was seen as an outlier, a solo-player in a team-player environment. All the while, the core business was not taking off. And even worse, while my career was hitting a low, I found myself in a miserable position in my marriage. Constantly fighting, becoming more independent, not connecting, doing whatever we wanted to do on our own terms. Even as we tried to connect, there was a dissonace that could be felt. And time just went by just like that. Always on problem-solving mode at every tangible edge of my life.

I knew I needed a change. And I desperately wanted one. But on April 7, the most unexpected accident prompted the most dramatic change in my life. I wish it had been a lucky accident but it was far from it.

On April 7, my team (my husband had already gone back to Korea) and I headed to a team outing for a colleagues birthday. We had a swell time, finally letting off some steam. We headed home after midnight, looking forward to a good night sleep. The car parked at our company house and I came out of the car and headed for the trunk to take out my bag. I actually rarely put my stuff in the trunk - it was something unnatural for me - I liked keeping my bag with me in the car and usually left with it when I left. But that night, since we came directly from work to an outing, I left my bag in the trunk with my laptop inside, ironically, for safety sake. As I headed to the trunk, the car suddenly reversed in full speed and in a blink of an eye I was on the floor with a bloodied left hand. My left hand had been caught between the car and the wall of the parking space. I was yelling and swearing on top of my lungs, trying desperately not to lose my consciousness, not knowing what had happened except for the fact that I was in unsurmountable pain.

Call 911. Call the god damn ambulance. F***ing S***. Call 911!

The whole neighborhood had been alarmed by my screaming. I could vaguely see people coming around the area. I could honestly care less. And like that the paramedics took me on the ambulance and I lost consciousness.

I was in and out of consciousness in the hospital. Injected with fentanyl and morphine, thinking in my head ‘how bad could it be that they would give me these lethal ass drugs?’

Thankfully my aunt (we weren't blood-related but as close as any blood relative) was living in Orange County and rushed over to be by my side. And there I was, with one person I could call family - without my mom, dad and husband, being told I was only so lucky that I wasn't a second faster, which would have resulted in possible death. We waited until morning came for my surgery as it had to be operated by a hand orthopedic surgeon. I was submerged in fear and loss, not knowing what exactly had happened. In ultimate chaos, without any sense of control.

And with that, I was left with that change that I so dearly wanted. But most definitely not the type of change I had wanted, let alone expected. The only thought in my head?

What the F*** God, you didn't have to be so dramatic.